yes. i'm updating this thing.

Mood...: [ 8]

Feelin...: [ sleepy, mostly. but strangely refreshed. ]

Thinkin...: [ making decisions about moving or staying here or moving elsewhere... i'm likely staying here. ]

Watchin...: [ random anime, and looking forward to watching the third season of a certain zombie series ]

Readin...: [ random manga, and thinking about reading the original around-the-earth-in-80-days book by master verne ]

Lissenin...: [ lenka, skrillex, coldplay ]

Displayin...: [ black sweater trousers, grey flip-flops - that's it. it's too hot to wear a top of any kind - its close to 30 celsius here!]

Doin...: [ cleaning, mostly. and lazying about. hey, i took out the trash at least, didn't i? ]

Quotin...: [ "--" ]

let's admit it.

this blog is dead.

nothing really exciting enough ever happens to me, and if you're reading this you likely know i hate to talk endlessly about useless thing regarding my person.

it's been years since my last post and its unlikely that i will ever post again for another set of years (not counting the current post)

so as of this post, this blog is perpetually on hiatus until i feel secure enough about my shortcomings to post about them.

but, at least i can give a heads-up of things. but mostly for this year.

my grandmother died 2 years and 5 months ago, so i'm currently living by myself somewhere upstate sao paulo (not the capital) for the past 3 years and some months. i can't even remember, i think i arrived here on a february 3 years ago.

i've been living in the same flat for the whole time... but due to financial difficulties, i might not be able to stay here for long.

(wait, what happened to "only this year"?? that happened 2-3 years ago!)

fine fine -.- so now for the current virtual weather of affairs: i've been spending a lot of time in secondlife. at the same time, i can say i have been thinking more and more about not spending so long in secondlife.

in fact, i only go on secondlife when sarah is online, and almost immediately leave when she does (after a few hours, usually)

sarah, by the way, is my online girlfriend.

little by little, it feels like we're growing stronger together... her alt even partnered my alt.

we plan on partnering our main accounts soon.

with that said, we've decided to roleplay a 9-week pregnancy (each week being the representative of one month), and her avatar's belly (and breasts) grow each week on a saturday by very little.

we're having twins... 2 of my closest female friends (nina and connie) agreed to take the roll of our twin daughters... this should be interesting.

all in all it's just for fun, and it's starting to grow on me. even connie's started acting like a baby now and then XD i ask her not to.. since she isn't technically born yet...

i'll eventually post a picture of this "happy family". ^^

with that said, my character in secondlife is an active shapeshifting female. my most common forms are different ages of the same avatar (child, teen, adult) and a hermaphrodite of the same avatar. and also, i do have a male form which i normally wear now and then, but not as normally as my female shape.

female avatars are just better-looking in general than their male counter-parts, so please don't get me wrong. i am openly male with my friends despite my female form. there are a handful of exceptions tho'. i plan on telling these exceptions they're wrong pretty soon... but i wonder how they'll react...

my character is also mute in real-life. half-true, since i rarely even use my real voice. even when i go out, i mostly do it silently.

moving on...

my father's coming to visit me tomorrow (wednesday, 27th of march, 2012). my place is in ruins. lika (my black bunny) is one hyper little poop machine. she's healthy, but currently eating my furniture.so she can't be that hungry.

with that said, i should probably get back to cleaning.

i hate cleaning.

on a last note, i lost the 1001-question questionnaire i was doing 2-3 years ago... but i'll find or make another one some time, so please look forward to it.

tch. this turned out to be more like a public journal/diary entry than anything else. i need to do something useful with my blog... seriously...

~eks, out.

truant truths

Mood...: [ 2]

Feelin...: [ semi-aware ]

Thinkin...: [ life-turning events ]

Watchin...: [ -- ]

Readin...: [ -- ]

Lissenin...: [ -- ]

Displayin...: [ purple t, huge dark-blue shorts ]

Doin...: [ "thinking" would be the answer... but my mind's too idle for its own good ]

Quotin...: [ "--" ]

i guess i have plenty of things to think through right now.

i never liked making people suffer... make them in pain.. much less, cry.

when you make someone you care about, and who probably cares about you more than you care about them, or at least in an equal term, you just GOTTA do some serious thinking about your current life-style.

my mom woke me up this morning... she was really upset.

we talked.. well.. she talked for about 20 minutes.

i just listened, trying to absorb anything she said.. but her crying was so much, it was hard for me to concentrate on most of what she said.

one thing's certain tho'.

my life's gonna change a LOT as of today, like it or not.

i can't live as a vegetable forever... selfishly absorbing resources around me.

i don't have roots. i have legs. wings too large to catch the dust that lands on it.

i must learn to use them both if i'll ever survive this harsh world we all live in, human or not.

tired steampunk

Mood...: [ 7 ]

Feelin...: [ sleepy ]

Thinkin...: [ steampunk tech ]

Watchin...: [ caminho das indias (¬¬;; dont ask) ]

Readin...: [ the host, by stephenie meyer ]

Lissenin...: [ -- ]

Displayin...: [ gray t and beige shorts; social tennis and socks ]

Doin...: [ nothing of constructive ]

Quotin...: [ "are you ready to play the game... ready to lose it all... sure you want to play?" ]

ive been tired before.

mostly, ive been used to being tired.

but today, i feel a very different kind of tired;

as most of you know, i have insomnia. i can't sleep before around 4 or 5... and i slept at nearly 6am today.

i only went because i knew my grandmother would be waking up very soon.

said and done.

two hours later she wakes me up, threatening me with a cup of water.

bless her.

after a few times asking "why was she doing this to me" i gave up and decided to give her a hug.

quite unusual for me actually o_O

regardless. my sleepiness made me forget one crucial detail in the general picture.

she had a cup of water in her hands!!

the water did, in the end, find its way into my face.. i barely felt it, except the water went in my eyes... it burned O_O

im not sure if she wanted to laugh or to scream at me.. but she went to fill the cup with water again in the bathroom -- i closed the door behind her and ran away a few feet from her.. i kept looking between the cup filled with water to the top (the other one was only about a finger or two) and her face.. she looked incredibly angry...

i was sleepy. i was confused. and i was wet.

but i was not angry.

i was very surprised for not exploding at her... i just laughed at my silly, pathetic situation.

i kind of asked for it...

i wonder if i woke her up when i went to bed oO

how did she know?

had my cousin told her anything?

he really should learn to keep his mouth tightly shut... but i guess that's part of his programming.

our programming are exactly the same, only in the aspect that they are completely opposite.

im quiet. he's loud.

im intro. he's extro.

im annoying. he's twice as annoying.

... see the pattern?

anyway. that aside.

it all happened this morning and i only got two hours of sleep. hence the tiredness.

as for steampunk, i was scrambling through the internet searching for laptops to show my japanese friend (souka-san) what it was... apparently, they don't have the word "laptop" in japanese.

anyway.

i found something very.. very inspiring.

the answer for my technological problems in yannika:

STEAMPUNK TECHNOLOGY~!

why did i think of that while searching for laptops?

well. that's easy.

the thing actually WORKS.

what these japanese don't come up with, honestly...

on a side, and much smaller note.

i'm still waiting for my mother's reply on what she needs from me to get my family visa ready so i can come and go from england as i wish.

i really feel my nephew's absence. and i've never met my niece - i'll really enjoy seeing them both.

and the rest of my family.

my mother, in specific.

i don't often miss anyone or anything in my life, but the more i see that my time is getting close to leaving brasil, the more i miss my family.

it's incredible.

put aside the fact that i'm leaving one family and somewhat replace it for another.

but this family isn't my tribe.

i need to be with my tribe again, and i am nowhere near it.

my father's over a thousand km from me, my mother ten times that distance.

time's nearing.

x, out.

1001 question questionnaire

well this is where i'll be putting it... it's too long, so i'll put it in little by little. ಠ_ಠ

this is gonna take awhile.. ಥ.ಥ

LETS BEGIN!!

The Basics

1.) Your name: Yann

2.) Nicknames: i dont think i have any sticky nicknames.. most people give me a nickname and forget it xD except my sister, who always calls me "nene".. stronger second "ne"

3.) Do you like these nicknames?: hmm. sordakinda. i dont mind IT.

4.) Location: 2 places at every given time: somewhere on earth (im not static.. tho currently, im in brasil's capital, where i was born) and somewhere on yannika (again, not static. tho i'm currently doing some kind of vital research in Lybraria, First Skyer)

5.) Age: 24

6.) Birthday: 12th of january

7.) Zodiac sign: capricorn

8.) Parents names: vera lucia and carlos alberto

9.) Siblings?: there are 2: yuri (29) and yuska (27).. im the youngest.

10.) Pets: a canine godchild named Kiara, whose breed is rottweiller xD

11.) Number of rooms in your house: gma's place: 2 bedrooms, 1 living room, 1 frikkin huge kitchen, one tiny service area, 2 restrooms and the nameless place i am currently situated.

12.) Religion: normally, im protestant. but im mostly non-religions -- its more like a belief system.

13.) If so-practicing?: not exactly.

14.) Male or Female?: male, i hope.

15.) Is your family close?: relatively, yes.

[::/16 through 1001 will continue when i post my next blog entry\::]

happy day

ok, its time. ^^

(i was gonna do this anyway, even though you reminded me.. i was just lost in thought at midnight XD)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAMMIE!!

today is one of my most favoritestest of days - the day you were born.

tho i've only known you since you were what... 7? heh

and we never even met.. wow.

you are my favorite (verbally adopted) little sister.

hope today is a great day for you, and that people have enough common sense to take a picture of you so i can see it all~! ^^

God bless you from today for the next 365 (and a quarter) days, when i hope He'll bless you again for the same period of time. ^^

edit: i just realised.

i've known you for almost half of your life O.o lol

way to go! xD

anyway. happy 14th sammie ^^

fun and games (2.0)

Mood...: [ 8 ]

Feelin...: [ like jelly ]

Thinkin...: [ quickly ]

Watchin...: [ -- ]

Readin...: [ the host, by stephenie meyer or city of bones, by clarissa claire ]

Lissenin...: [ my own thoughts ]

Displayin...: [ gray t and midnight blue police-like trousers ]

Doin...: [ socializing. mostly. ]

Quotin...: [ "--" ]

today was a fairly different day from all other days.

to begin with, i barely slept last night. stupid insomnia.

then my uncle arrived and made me help him remove the window blinds from my room and the living room (they used to be... connected) in order to put new blinds up -- it actually looks pretty nice now.

since i dont have a good-enough camera to take the pictures, i won't be adding any yet.

same with videos.

i got full of the powdery dust from the ancient blinds that used to hang for as long as this appartment existed.

i'm not sure what came over me when i realised i was covered in the white powdery stuff, but i nearly fell to the floor laughing so hard...

i managed to compose myself long enough so no one would see me laughing, but it was fairly hysterical.

at least from my point of view.

for the past 2 days, i've been helping my verbally adopted youngest sister, namely "sammie", with her book.

its actually a lot more fun than i had previously anticipated;

giving her ideas, and have her listen to them (most of the time).

it ends up, she's actually a very capable writer.

i especially enjoy reading her dialogues - they're comical and serious at the same time; kind of like the things i enjoy reading - in my eyes, she has enormous potential to write a bestseller, no contest.

say, "harry potter" level.

helping sammie with her book this way gave me a spark, regardless of how small, to continue my own books, which have been frozen in time for awhile.

i wrote seven chapters of it a few years ago, but never got to work on it again until a couple of months ago, when i finally got the beginning how i (more or less) wanted it to.

i might ask sammie to help me with the dialogues...

between you (the internet.. how ironic.) and me, my dialogue skills are not the best out there.

sammie's dialogue skills are probably far better than mine, although i'm more descriptive about things.

but what makes a book, among many other things, is the dialogue and not the pretty (and) scary things a writer might be able to describe.

i'll post the first three chapters on here soon enough for every one to read. they're basically ready for print, so i don't see a problem with sharing.

the book will be called Yannika Chronicles. the sub-title is yet to be chosen, but i'm fairly sure what it will be.

speaking of whom, sammie's the one who got me interested into reading the twilight series, by stephenie meyer.

in a scale from 0 to 10, i rate the series in this order (comparing to all the books i have ever read in my life):

twilight: 8

new moon: 7

eclipse: 6.5

breaking dawn: 7

i'm also reading something i found around the internet that's fairly interesting. not ure if its official or not.

it's basically the first book of the series, but in the main male character's point of view (so far) - it gives us a little more insight into the story. it's called:

midnight sun: (not yet rated; haven't finished reading yet)

next up, either city of bones (by clarissa claire or the host [another title by stephenie meyer])...

it's not easy getting my hands on city of ashes...

id bet anything that sammie would decapitate me clean and painlessly if i read the host before i got around to reading city of bones, so it is yet undecided.

even though she made me obsess over twilight for so long, she said she ended up disliking it once she started reading it again... said the writer can't write worth her life.

this confuses me, but ah well.

moving on.

i found another server for San Andreas Multiplayer (SA-MP). it was quite enjoyable. i played it for a good two hours straight without noticing the time... alas, the game crashed and i was brought back to my non-world-war-three reality. since the official and public server lists aren't showing up, i'm pretty much stuck with whatever i have in my favorite servers' list...

today was also a strange day because, after about a week without speaking to my mother about my trip back to europe, i spoke to her today through windows live messenger.

the chat was short, but full of content.

firstly, the school i was enrolled there said that i would need to pay another two and a half thousand pounds to fix my hours in order for me to get the visa.

the minimal hours for that is twenty hours - i had fifteen.

so, somewhat jokingly - half for reasons to make my mom worry (you know. youngest sons and all... we do that naturally - but i never do. not naturally anyway. so i have to really try hard to do worry someone), i suggested i went to scotland to visit some family we have there, and from there send my suitcase to london, where my siblings live.

here's the catch.

i'd go south to kent with nothing but good wills and a backpack to my name.

she really disliked that idea.

but after awhile, she thought better and realised it may be a good idea after all - except instead of going to england on foot, as i had previously, jokingly suggested, she suggested one of my "clan" to go and pick me up.

we'd return by car.

hm. no fun on that. but i guess it's ok for now.

there goes my first chance to "train" for my life-plans of going cross-continent on foot from europe all the way to the southern-most reaches of japan, through russia of course.

i'm sure i'll get other chances. i just can't tell my mom about it.

not for now.

something else.

an old friend of mine sent me an audio file; the "virtual barbershop".

if you can find it, listen to it. i'm sure it can be found somewhere on the internet.

in case you feel too lazy for it, i did a quick google search and found this site, noob.us

(just click on the orange italics and it should take you directly there. they have a download link for you if you don't feel like listening to it, or your i-net is as crappy as mine. if you listen to it, make sure you're using headphones (not speakers) and have them set correctly - right ear on right ear, left on left. volume on as natural as you can. its not another scare tactic, so no worries there.)

they already talked some about it, so it might be pointless to repeat what they said. if anything, they have better instructions. heh

regardless, if you want me to send you the file, i would be more than happy to.

anyway, give them a visit. i'm sure they wouldn't mind - if you leave the a comment, make sure you tell them who sent you.

so, life goes on and moods swing and shatter.

i survive yet another day, another week, in the life of yann.

that reminds me, i need to create a post telling you about who and what i am... i'll ask sammie for one of those one-thousand-question questionaire she might have lying around in her pc...

well, that's that for now.

if you had enough patience to read up to here, fair well, and God bless, friend.

x, out.

angel nurba

Mood...: [ 8 ]

Feelin...: [ tired ]

Thinkin...: [ my thoughts are racing ]

Watchin...: [ -- ]

Readin...: [ the host, by stephenie meyer ]

Lissenin...: [ -- ]

Displayin...: [ brown long-sleeve t (multi-shade) and huge midnight blue shorts ]

Doin...: [ forcing myself awake? ]

Quotin...: [ "alo, yann?" ]

i promised myself not to write about anything related to "love".

but its impossible.

it is... inevitable, as the (un)wise Mr. Smith would say.

for the past few years i've been neglecting 3 things in my life.

first, love.

i found out that, in my current life-style, there's really no room for that.

regardless, i fell inlove with someone whom i shouldn't fall inlove for - a member of my extended family.

a cousin of sorts - not blood related.

second, sleep.

my insomnia has been getting steadily worse -- i thought i was curing it, but in the long run, it only made it worse.

now, instead of my sleep threshold being at around 3am, it has moved to around 5.

i don't feel tired or sleepy. and i only go to bed when i begin to feel the symptoms of lack of sleep.

it's hard to sleep, but it's just as hard to wake up.

and third, myself.

i havent really taken care of myself in any way -- physically, mentally, spiritually.

physically, i wont lie - i weigh around 110kg. i can't lose, nor do i gain any extra weight. (better than my previous 125kg back in the day i still cared about myself XD)

mentally, i haven't been able to control my mind. its gone further than i could think it would go on its own -- i just let it act independently... better than to read with most reality.

spiritually, i've probably lost any and every spec of faith i had one day.

that doesn't mean i stopped believing that God or Jesus exists - i know they do. i believe in their miracles. i've seen more than my share of miracles to be stupid enough to say "it was all an illusion"... but for myself, i just lost my own personal faith.

the catalist was probably a movie called "the secret". you'll know what i mean if you've seen it -- no other movie has ever impressed on my core personality before.

stupid movie.

so by nearing the end of the morning, it all came together.

a smile on my face -- something i thought i'd forgotten how to do since i forced myself out of love.

my old (non)forgotten love woke me up -- perhaps a new spark for changes in my life.

perhaps the spark that will ignite my self-control, my spirituality.

let me go back a little so you can try and keep up.

my aunt called me a couple of days ago -- her aunt -- and said she'd broken up with her boyfriend.

i was secretly happy for that, but i worried about her well being.

you could say i'm a fairly good liar when it comes to hiding my emotions. no one knows how depressed i really am -- this type of depression is fairly undetectable. it often leads to most of the undetected, non-understandable suicides. but its not like that with me.

i only thought about it a couple of times through my life, but i don't see a point.

i know enough not to try anything silly.

back to topic:

an angel called me this morning and woke me up -- i have never been so glad to wake up in the past.

but its strange. very strange.

i woke up exactly two minutes before she called and thought about what my aunt had told me - that she was free. single. i frowned at the thought and decided to go back to sleep -- only to be more than surprised by her call.

i smiled.

she spoke quietly, as did i, not to wake up cousin who was only a few centemetres from me, asleep.

if he woke up, he can fake it very nicely... i guess it is expected of a national television journalist.

were you ever waken up by someone you never really stopped loving?

well, i was.

she can wake me up whenever she wants, i don't mind. i'd even be glad to forget what strangely beautiful and amusing dream i was having just to be able to hear her voice.

otherwise, i'd rather be fast asleep, tucked in the soothing, protecting warmth of my covers.

and with that, i leave, hoping i haven't made a complete fool out of me.

that's that for now, and i hope to get back today to rumble about any useless things that may happen to me.

--

PS: for further future reference, in case i find this blog after it has been forgotten, the angel's name is nurba, in the ancient yannika code.